Goodbye Old Friend - Eulogy for the Best Printer Ever


Finally saying my goodbyes to this classic beauty, a Canon Pixma iP5000, purchased some 13 years ago. I typically hate printers with a fury and a passion, but you were the diamond to polish my rough edges.

We've had many ups through the years, some downs. We've moved to 6 diefferent addresses together, and worked across 6 different versions of Windows from XP to 10. We made many Christmas gifts for loved ones during the leaner years, printed hundreds of treasured memories. You printed edge to edge, 4x6, 5x7, 8.5x11 and everything in between. You printed on letter, heavy stock, labels, envelopes, even canvas.

You were always there for me when I needed you; always willing to lend an ear through a lonely, late night at the office. You were like the pet I could never have (due to debilitating allergies).

My favorite thing we ever made were all the themed invitations, handouts, charts, and game pieces for wifey's Roaring 20s Murder Mystery birthday.

The past few years it has been getting harder and harder to find your ink cartridges, except for gross knockoffs that could never replicate your brilliance. Sadly, you died before I could use you to print photos of my youngest child. I need to replace you with your younger, higher end cousin, Canon Pixma iP 8720. She has promised me she will carry on your mission; but no printer could ever be as versatile, hard working or long-lived as you, you are irreplaceable.

I will truly miss you my gentle, sleek, easy to use photo inkjet printer. Your best color was always cyan.

Private services will be held Wednesday, December 20th, 2017, in the recycling bin at my local electronics recycling company. Friends and family welcome.

Of my friend, I can only say this. Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most ... human.
— James T. Kirk